You are on anti-depressants and you are getting counselling which is a great combination however you need to open up to your counsellor, I myself can understand how difficult it can be to talk to someone about things. I've been in counselling since I was 11, (I'm now almost 17) and have always had trouble with opening up to the person I have been talking to which is why it hasn't helped me personally. But then I got a new counsellor in a different place and I realised I need the help and am slowly beginning to open up even though it's still difficult for me.

One thing is you don't know the whole cause of your depression, maybe by telling the counsellor things you will be able to get to the root of your problem and then work a way to get your life back on track and also make you a happier person. Maybe start by writing things down, if you feel you can't talk about them just yet, this can be a way of getting things across without verbalising them and also you can then also leave it after a session for the counsellor to read and then discuss in the next session. I know when you are sitting in the counsellors chair talking about things you always wonder "I bet they are judging me right now, or I wonder what they think about the things I've done" it's only natural to think that, however they aren't there to judge they are there for us to talk to and get through our problems. Even if it means starting by discussing topics that are bothering you and then talking about one of them at each session so that you can explore the in-depth issues which you feel that are causing you to feel depressed.

You say you are scared to get better however I think that shouldn't be the way, because at the moment, the depression controls you. Just think once you begin to sort that out then you will be able to live your life, show people you wonderful personality and enjoy the things in life and appreciate them. I know you have been depressed for so long however you have to see the light because otherwise you will continue on the downwards spiral which isn't what you want. It will take time to live your life without depression however it is possible to do, you just need to start on your way of getting out of depression. It's understandable that you don't know why however you can begin to explore that within your counselling session as that is what they are there for.

Also one thing you might find could help you is helping yourself, because you are on drugs and getting professional help and feel it isn't working maybe you need to try some of your own things which might help you. Start a project, like if you are creative plan something you van create and have an end product, as this will take your mind off of things and also at the end of it you will have something to show for all your hard work. Also it becomes something to be motivated over and if you have a feeling of not wanting to do things often this might help with that as you will feel so proud of yourself once you have finished. Naming a few things you could do, Painting something, this can also represent feelings and emotions. Re-decorating your room maybe look at ways to brighten it up and make it a more positive space for you to sleep in. Sewing (might sound like something old people would do) but maybe create something like a pillow or something or a patchwork quilt, as it can be symbolising a time where things were so great but show a point of turn around in your life. Writing can help whether it's a story or a journal because you can either say how you are feeling and try to understand or create a whole new reality which you have created. Photography not only does it mean getting out in the open you can also make a scrapbook of things that inspire you. It can also be fun to open your eyes to the wonders which life has to offer because when things aren't going so well we tend to forget the beauty of life.

Think about it, you only live once so why not make the most of it, start talking about problems so that you can work through them and get the help you need for you to be able to say "I beat depression and am now getting on with my life" it won't be an easy thing to do however it's possible! I wish you all the luck on beginning your journey into making you a happier person. I hope that some of the things which I have mentioned could help you, if you ever want to talk my inbox is open. Good luck with the journey which you will soon begin.

*Emma*

Posted at 7:32 am on July 6, 2008