One, I have bulimia. I haven't been diagnosed but I don't need to be to know that i'm bullimic. I've been purging for 4 years now and have had trouble with my body image for 6. I'm not sure but I think I have some kind of anxiety disorder as well as anger problems (those my family know about). I also am experiencing some kind of depression. Its on and off though so I don't know if I can call it depression. This year I've been experimenting with weed & alcohol.

Now here's the big problem. I WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE! I don't know why exactly I feel this way but I wish I could just run away to some bad area and get pregnant or become a prostitute or become a drug addict. I just want a stress free life. I know that its ridiculous to desire that kind of life but i feel like life would be so much easier if i just stopped trying to be what everyone else wants me to be and started being myself. deep down im not an angel. i want to be "BAD". I just want to live life on the edge. I don't want to plan out every minute of my life. I just want things to just happen and I want to live life MY WAY. I just want FREEDOM TO BE ME. I don't want any boundaries or anyone telling me what to do or anyone judging me. When I was younger I was bad and I liked myself better that way. Now I feel like I'm just being someone that's not really me.

PLEASE HELP!!!