Yes I do actually want to kill. Before it was just a fear that I would but now its become something I want to do. I think people deserve to die! I sit there some nights looking out the window thinking about how easy it would be to go out into the dark and kill an unsuspecting victim. Sometimes I realise its illogical but other times it feels like something I must do. Sometimes I even think about how easy it would be go into my parents room at night and kill them in there sleep, which really scares me because I love them, I feel no anger or hatred towards them, so I don't understand I why would want to do that. I've just started seeing a college counsellor for depression (it wasn't my choice, my tutor thought I would benefit from talking to someone) and now my counsellor has contacted my doctor because I have "suicidal tendencies", if I say I am a danger to myself or anyone else she has to report it, and my parents, tutor and doctor will be informed. So I can't mention this to her. And there's no way I could get the courage to discuss this with my doctor.
I want to understand why I want to kill, if it's a power thing.. people have always controlled my life. They've bullied me and made me hate myself. Its probably because of that. I guess...
I don't know what to do anymore
Thank you for the replies and links!
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