1. i have a condition called primary vaginismus. this means that my pelvic muscles involuntarily contract if they anticipate penetration. the primary part of primary vaginismus means... it involves impossible penetration, meaning my muscles contract so tightly that nothing can get inside. it may have developed as a response to surgery when i was younger to remove my hymen.

2. i have this boyfriend. he and i are moving and going our separate ways at the end of the summer, but we always want to stay close and be friends. we are very, very special to eachother and i want him to be my first.

3. the treatment takes 6 months.
i'm on week 2.

i'm so discouraged about everything. i don't know what my problem is, but i'm SO touchy lately and this whole situation is at the root of all of it. everything bothers me. EVERYTHING. and i'm so upset about this whole situation.

why can't i be fucking normal. seriously.

anyway... i guess this is just to vent but if you have any advice or cheery material, sock it to me