I have been dating my current boyfriend for about a year. He was also my very first boyfriend. We celebrated our one year anniversary a couple months ago. He is nineteen; I turn seventeen in september. He is out of high school and currently working, and I am a serious student and attending high school, and heavily involved in several club activities. Basically, I only get to see him on weekends during the school year, and about three times a week during summer.

Recently, he has begun to scare me a little. He is building his life around me, and this makes me extremely uncomfortable. He has rejected several job offers that have been extremely advantageous just so that he could stay in the same city as me. He becomes extremely upset whenever I discuss colleges (for me) that are more than two hours away from where our city is.
We also recently had a pregnancy scare (my period was a little late) but it turned out to be nothing. Still, I don't want to have sex with him again, and I don't know if he would understand me saying no more sex in our relationship.

I just don't think I love him anymore. I don't ever feel like texting him, it makes me uncomfortable to tell him I love him or be affectionate, and I do not enjoy kissing him anymore. He is extremely  clingy and becomes angry if I don't text him for more than 4 hours.
I have also had (sorry, again, I sound like a total ass and I don't mean to be...) a wandering eye for the past month. I've developed a small crush on a guy who works at the pool I go to. I would never act on it, but it was the first time I ever liked anyone besides my boyfriend while I was dating him.

I just don't feel like I can have a boyfriend at this time in my life. I have to see him again on Saturday, and the thought makes me feel sick inside because we will probably end up having sex just because he asks so much.
I tried bringing up the topic of taking a break, and was met with extremely negative responses. He even talked about how much he had build his life around me and how much it would be wrecked, and how I was the only thing he had to look forward to in life (He doesn't have many friends). I love him, but I'm not in love with him anymore, nor have I been for the past three months or so.

I don't know how to deal with this. Luckily, we have few mutual friends, but I have never broken up with a boy before, and I would never want to break anyone's heart, but this is really taking a toll on me and my mental health. Advice?

if it makes you sick do it on saturday or before, don't break down and forget it and give in to have sex, since it kind of means nothing.


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look in the mirror and keep on shining*

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You really don't have a choice but to end it. Definitely DO NOT have sex with him on Saturday. Sit him down and break it to him. You can't stay in a relationship if you're not happy, and he needs to understand that. I know it's hard, but it's for the best.

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I honestly don't know if he would accept that. :/

How do I bring it up, etc? I dunno what to do... I feel genuinely evil or something. He thinks we're happy.

I think you're in a rut

I've seen too many good relationships end because people didn't recognize that, only to really regret it later

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when god gives you lemons you FIND A NEW GOD

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I don't think it's over

I think you're in a rut

I've seen too many good relationships end because people didn't recognize that, only to really regret it later

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I thought so too, so I waited threeish months to see if it would get better... I tried taking him different places, and doing fun things on dates (windsurfing, etc) but nothing increased my attraction to him. I just don't feel attracted to him at all, sexually or romantically. :(

It sorta sounds to me like you just don't have any time to miss him because he's constantly around. Maybe if he respected your space more and didn't expect you to keep him updated about the when/where/who you're with, you wouldn't feel like he's getting so clingy.

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I honestly don't know if he would accept that. :/

How do I bring it up, etc? I dunno what to do... I feel genuinely evil or something. He thinks we're happy.

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Alright, when you see him you can give him a kiss hello, but don't let it get too long. Then be like "[insert pet name], can we sit down for a minute?" Do this in private, btw.
Then you need to tell him how you feel. Something like "We've been together for a really long time now, and I care about you a lot. But I don't think I care about you in the same way I used to."
Be prepared for a lengthy conversation, he deserves to be heard out. Listen to everything he has to say and then calmly explain to him how he was your first bf and you're only 17 so you don't know what you want. It's too young to be permanently tied down. Also tell him how guilty you feel about how it's like you're holding eachother back with the work and college things.
The most important part is to be sensitive to his feelings. I was once dumped while I thought my bf and I were completely happy. He called me and couldn't stay on the phone, it was really disrespectful. Sitting to hear him out and listening to him is the best thing you can do. Just explain calmly what you're feeling, even if you have to repeat yourself a few times.
You seem like a very kind, sensitive person. It's good that you're so worried about his feelings. If you need any more help, feel free to ask me.

Post edited at 11:31 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 by jujube 91

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Alright, when you see him you can give him a kiss hello, but don't let it get too long. Then be like "[insert pet name], can we sit down for a minute?" Do this in private, btw.
Then you need to tell him how you feel. Something like "We've been together for a really long time now, and I care about you a lot. But I don't think I care about you in the same way I used to."
Be prepared for a lengthy conversation, he deserves to be heard out. Listen to everything he has to say and then calmly explain to him how he was your first bf and you're only 17 so you don't know what you want. It's too young to be permanently tied down. Also tell him how guilty you feel about how it's like you're holding eachother back with the work and college things.
The most important part is to be sensitive to his feelings. I was once dumped while I thought my bf and I were completely happy. He called me and couldn't stay on the phone, it was really disrespectful. Sitting to hear him out and listening to him is the best thing you can do. Just explain calmly what you're feeling, even if you have to repeat yourself a few times.
You seem like a very kind, sensitive person. It's good that you're so worried about his feelings. If you need any more help, feel free to ask me.

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Thank you. I really do like him as a person, I just am not attracted to him anymore. I would like to be friends afterwards, but since that is such a bad line and never seems to work out, i don't know if I should suggest it or not. I am just so scared because I've never done this before. I feel like the biggest jerk ever.

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Quote: from jujube 91 at 11:30 pm on Aug. 28, 2008

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Alright, when you see him you can give him a kiss hello, but don't let it get too long. Then be like "[insert pet name], can we sit down for a minute?" Do this in private, btw.  
 Then you need to tell him how you feel. Something like "We've been together for a really long time now, and I care about you a lot. But I don't think I care about you in the same way I used to."  
 Be prepared for a lengthy conversation, he deserves to be heard out. Listen to everything he has to say and then calmly explain to him how he was your first bf and you're only 17 so you don't know what you want. It's too young to be permanently tied down. Also tell him how guilty you feel about how it's like you're holding eachother back with the work and college things.  
 The most important part is to be sensitive to his feelings. I was once dumped while I thought my bf and I were completely happy. He called me and couldn't stay on the phone, it was really disrespectful. Sitting to hear him out and listening to him is the best thing you can do. Just explain calmly what you're feeling, even if you have to repeat yourself a few times.  
 You seem like a very kind, sensitive person. It's good that you're so worried about his feelings. If you need any more help, feel free to ask me.

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Thank you. I really do like him as a person, I just am not attracted to him anymore. I would like to be friends afterwards, but since that is such a bad line and never seems to work out, i don't know if I should suggest it or not. I am just so scared because I've never done this before. I feel like the biggest jerk ever.

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Suggest it, but also tell him you'll back off to give him the time that he needs. No matter what, I stay friends with all my ex's, even the 2 i secretly hate. The way I see it, if you got along so well before than you should still get along after. And it seems like you really care about him, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Let me know how it goes. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask. I'm pretty easy to reach  
Good luck.