|
Until you sign up you can't do much. Yes, it's free.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 | / / / Viewing Topic
|  |
|
|
I seriously don't know what to do. |
|
|
|
|
 Replies: 7 — Last Post Aug. 29 12:59am by 4est
|
|
|
|
|
Web Resources: Suicide Myths Dispelled, Suicide Information
USA Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
|
Web Resources: Teen Pregnancy Facts, Abortion Facts
USA Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663
|
( MyCuteFiend )
Connoisseur
 Patron
|
     
I usually stray from posting anything too personal on LW. I mean, sometimes I really don't want strangers knowing too much about me or my family, but I'm just so overwhelmed right now.
This may be a little long, and if you're not interested, please just ignore it all together.
About three or four months ago, my mom and dad filed for divorce. Turns out my dad was having an affair with someone at work. He ended up kicking my mom, little sister and I out of the house and we moved five hours away from him. I'm not sure why we moved so far away, really. I guess my mom just wanted to get away. That's beside the point. Anyways, so after we moved, my mom and dad started getting close again. My mom had pretty much forgiven my dad for the whole affair and kicking us out and basically fucking with her mind. (My dad is really good at making my mom feel like everything is her fault.) But every so often, my dad would just fuck over my mom and start calling her names and making her feel like complete shit. My mom became suicidal and began cutting herself. I can't describe what it felt like to see my mom in tears, covering her bloody arms. And no, she wasn't a self harmer. She was actually trying to kill herself. It's kind of an unspoken thing. Of course she knows I know she was hurting herself, but I've never actually admitted to knowing or anything like that.
So things continued to get better between them, they started fighting less and less. My dad started coming up almost every weekend to see us and things were really looking up. My dad talked about moving back in to our new house once our old house sold and he'd run his business from home. I could really care less at that point, I basically lost every ounce of respect I had for my father after I found out about the affair.
Two weeks after my dad announced the whole "move back in" plan, my mom and dad get into a HUGE fight. My dad yells at her and tells her he wasn't even planning to come back to her. And the not only does he do that, but he tries to convince my sister and I that he's completely innocent. That it's all my mom's fault. I KNOW this isn't true. I can hear their fights and he's ALWAYS in the wrong. So my mom being a normal human being started going crazy. She knows all the passwords to my dad's cellphone account and what not so she started looking at his call log. It turns out the whole time he had been "with" my mom, he was also talking to the lady he originally had an affair with. My mom lost it (and who can blame her?). She called the lady's husband and told him. He told her the lady was pregnant (not with his baby). It had to have been my dad's. So my mom pretty much said fuck it and ignored all his calls. One day, he hacked into her email and saw she had been going on dates (mostly to get over my dad). He went nuts and started yelling and screaming. It was horrible. My older brother recently moved to New York, so my mom made a Myspace to keep in touch with him without having to deal with expensive phone calls since my brother doesn't ever check his email. I also have another brother I found out about a month or so ago. My mom was pregnant as a teenager and she gave him up for adoption. Me and him have been talking a bunch and he plans to come visit during winter break. Well, my dad also saw his profile, and saw me on his top friends. He does not want me knowing about him. He got extremely angry and threatened to take me and my little sister away (not going to happen. I choose to live with my mother). Now, I guess they talked (and/or yelled) and he's basically saying fuck it. He wants nothing to do with any of us. Now, LW, I don't expect you to have all the answers to my questions, but what should I do? Should I talk to my dad about this? What should I say?
I know I could've put this in the serious forum, but I kind of want anyone who wants to answer, to answer.
-------
"Free speech is the right to shout 'Theatre!' in a crowded fire."
-Abbie Hoffman
|
|
|
iceman89
Dairy Product Addict
|
Did you type this? Wow
-------
"Bitches aint shit"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
IamMelissa
Wealthy Hobo
Patron
|
I think you need to let your dad know that you know he isnt the innocent one. Let him know that you know how bad he has hurt you and your family.
-------
So keep talking cause I love to hear your voice
|
|
|
mollyj98
Dairy Product Addict
|
your dad seems like a complete jerk, i would have NOTHING to do with him after the way he treated u and ur mom! A person who cares does not treat their family members like garbage. I feel so bad for your mom, just stick by her sid cuz she has it the hardest out of anyone. Good luck girl and stay strong!
|
11:20 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2007 | 76 Days Active
Join to learn more about mollyj98 Massachusetts, United States | Straight Female | 223 Posts | 1005 Points
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
4est
Forrest
Patron
|
My personal choice in this scenario would be to give him a while to let him cool off. Clearly he isn't ready to admit any fault. The first step to any sort of reconciliation is admittance, and until he is ready to start accepting responsibility and his share (however big it may be) of the blame, I do not see anything productive about trying to reason with him. Although he is in the wrong, you must try to think of things from his poit of view, however skewed it may be. I'm sure that he felt bad about the affair, even if he did try to manipulate your mothers feelings instead of being heartfelt and apologizing. And then with the events that followed, he probably felt isolated and outnumbered. After the fight that happened after the potential move-in, when he tried to manipulate your sister and yourself into siding with him, he was probably grasping to any threads he could try to reach of the quilt that had once been his family, a quilt that he mistreated and eventually ripped away from him. He probably didn't care what he had to say (It's been proven that he's manipulative) and just wanted a little bit of what he lost back. Now, with the recent discovery that you are now in contact with your brother, which of course you have every right to be, imagine his feelings. Your mother, sister, and yourself are isolating yourselves from him, cutting ties, however you are ready to accept a stranger, who has no ties other than genetics, over your father. He probably feels like shit because deep down he must know its all his fault that he is being treated how he is, and he deserves it, but he still cannot cope. Your mother had a conversation and/or argument with him, probably made a little sense to him, and now he's just given up - the hurt has turned to spite, and for the time being, I think the wise thing to do is just let him simmer. Eventually he will come to his senses, and hopefully he will make the first move, one that should be of apology. Remember that although it is emotionally bonding to return an apology with an apology, you have nothing to apologize for - everything you and your mum and sister have done is rational and just. It takes different people different amounts of time to realize their mistakes and work the courage up to do something about it. My personal opinion is that you should simply let him know that when he is ready to start manning up and taking responsibility for his actions - you'll be waiting.
-------
Life is a breeze, we live it for fun!
No apologies, to anyone!
We live on the seas,
We do as we please!
|
12:59 am on Aug. 29, 2008 | Joined July 2005 | 775 Days Active
Join to learn more about 4est British Columbia, Canada | Metrosexual Male | 17113 Posts | 28370 Points
|
|
| |
|
|
|
| Looking for something else?
|
|
|
|
|
|
| / / / Viewing Topic | |
|
832 users online 
184567 members 
You have 1 new message.
Did you type this? Wow 
