I love my mother, but I know it's not just me who feels this way.  My older sister, who is 32 and married with three kids, also feels ostracized from our mother because her chosen set of values isn't what my mom would deem acceptable.  My oldest sister, however, is the family angel, and can do no wrong, even if she chooses not to attend family gathering that my mother deems as mandatory for my other sister and me (ie Christmas).  
Also, my mother is very manipulative.  She works our family like puppets, always striving to keep us in a routine that is "acceptable" to society.  If one of us does something unacceptable, she immediately turns the others against us.  My sister and I are the only ones who refuse to participate in this stupid game.
I've tried talking to my mother; I tell her on a regular basis that we can;t communicate because she refuses to be wrong.  She has never in her life told me that she was sorry.  That's always left up to me, as she says that she's the parent and shouldn't have to tell her child "sorry."  She tells me that she loves me, but I've noticed lately that it's only if I initiate it, or it I'm about to leave her care for an extended period of time.  I don;t think she actually loves me for me.

I know this is long, but it's tearing me apart.  I want my mother to be a part of my life, but not if all she's ever going to do it try to manipulate and control me and mine.

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I will either evade death or die in the attempt.

I would say... don't talk to your mother for a little while. Give yourself and her some time to get used to the fact that she isn't brooding over your every action anymore.

Once you start talking again if she gets back into the same old deal you can tell her off...

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Educators destroy your brain,
but you don't know, so why care?
Fagotto

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You're at school now. You're able to make your own decisions.

I would say... don't talk to your mother for a little while. Give yourself and her some time to get used to the fact that she isn't brooding over your every action anymore.

Once you start talking again if she gets back into the same old deal you can tell her off...

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See, this would seem the logical solution, but she thinks that my sister and I are plotting against her when I do that, and then tends to take out her wrath on my sister or her kids instead.  

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I will either evade death or die in the attempt.