story version:
i'm clingy. i'm not terrible, could definately be worse, but the first step is to admitting it,right? and i can definately work on it.

however,john(my significant other) has never had a problem with it until now, when he suddenly threw up the deuces a few days ago for some 'him time'. that means no calling, no texting, nothing-and he doesn't know how long his me-time will last. not even an explanation of why, so i've come to my own conclusion of his reasons. i have definately tried time and time again to talk with him about many things, and i have implored him for just one conversation so that we may fix this situation together.  

the day before he blew me off a date for beer with friends (which i never complained about because i know i can be clingy), he told me he was still a bit upset that he had found out i had lied about smoking pot for two months. of course i quit that adventure for him. (did i forget to mention he went out with and tried to makeout with one of my friends one night and i just happened to find him out sooner than he found out my one lie?). So i figure that has a bit to do with it as well. Other than that one lie, I have kept nothing from this man. But i go crazy when i dont have an answer for things, so i send him a few texts- no more than four for an entire day like 'i love you' or 'lets talk about this and i'll be happy to give you space' . I never get replies unless you count his 'idk' s and 'just need space' as replies. i WANT an explanation, but despite my desperation for that i feel i have done quite well in leaving him be.  

see,the thing is i don't have friends. i just can't make any, and my last close friend was more than two years ago. I've tried to make friendships but over the years i have just given up. I'm not an unfriendly person, only a bit quiet and when i make a friend i naturally give all my loyalty to and expect from them the same loyalty. maybe that's a lot to ask. but john and i have been together nearly a year and he is my world, the relationship has had the normal faults and has been very smooth and enjoyable, he just doesn't care for personal talks which is tolerable until the time for communication is necessary.  

I have realized my faults. I know what I need to correct. But it's impossible to do that without him meeting me halfway with a dignified conversation. I want this relationship to last, and i believe it can. However lately i feel i care much more about our relationship than he does-i know he's not a very affectionate person but it's been so long since i've heard him say i love you on his own. A woman needs to hear that, to feel she is cared for, or at least have it known to her somehow. I don't get that, but I know he still feels that way for me merely because he is not one to stick around and waste time with someone he doesn't care for at all.  

I want our relationship to last, and I believe it can. I've thought before that i can see myself with him in marriage (although this is not shared with him because I am unsure of how exactly he sees our relationship and it would scare him away). We are a strong couple, if only he would talk to me when things trouble him.

I unloaded on him in a voicemail and a two-part text message that i'm not even sure he checked earlier. I broke down, couldn't help myself.

I just need some guidance with this damn man. I feel like I'm putting the most effort in our relationship. What can I do while I wait for him to finish his 'me-time'? How can I relate to him how his seemingly indifferent attitude towards me hurts me so? Do you think there's a chance out of this and how can I pull us out of this rut- or better yet, inspire him to work with me out of this rut?

Thank you to those who read through this. I need help.

Post edited at 11:57 pm on Feb. 8, 2010 by amigala

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What is human life without difficulty?
You must realize I cannot resist such little discoveries.
It's like leaving bottles of wine around an alcoholic.

Maybe he can't put what he is feeling into words, and just needs a few days to think about what to say to you. I'm sure that its not a reflection upon yourself that he had to take some 'me time' - if I hang around too long with my best mates, I feel like I'm going crazy and have to get away for a bit.

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Interesting .. so he is obviously the dominant partner in your relationship ... and you are happy to submit to him .. ??

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This person has it right. If you want something to happen more to your liking, you need to regain some of that dominance. Frankly, this "me time" situation with no explanation is downright retarded (I use this term loosely) and unacceptable. I personally would drop him then and there, you deserve better. More than likely, if he's serious about the relationship he'll realize he's being a fool and you guys will move to work it out. If he doesn't, then you're better off anyway.

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For they sow the wind, and will reap the whirlwind.

today is day five i think. i met him for dinner in hope of talking things over-i said i would pay since i needed to break a bill to make bank for work today (im a waitress), but instead of it being just us as he led me to believe, it was several of our buddies. he said nothing to me except 'thanks for dinner' and 'idk you haven't given me space' when i asked him how long this was supposed to go on. i havent heard from him at all today.

Post edited at 11:13 am on Feb. 9, 2010 by amigala

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What is human life without difficulty?
You must realize I cannot resist such little discoveries.
It's like leaving bottles of wine around an alcoholic.

The status quo remains until something in the balance changes. IE, as long as you put up with his shit, he's going to keep bringing it. If you drop him, he's either going to realize his mistake, or he's going to continue being an asshole. Either way you're better off.

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For they sow the wind, and will reap the whirlwind.