I am obsessed with my body, but I hate it, I am completely repulsed by it, I am never comfortable in my own skin. My boyfriend tells me it's perfect but I always think he's lying to me.

I am obsessed with food, and what I eat, I want to cry after everything I put into my mouth. I feel I have very little control with my eating habits and I work really hard to try to not eat but I always fail. So then I eat and I feel like complete shit. I have been learning to skip meals more often these days but I always give in to temptation and end up binging later in the day. But I keep trying not to.

I am completely depressed and contemplate suicide on a daily basis but nobody knows it. In fact nobody knows any of this at all and everyone thinks I am delightful and smiley and happy and that I have myself all together when really I'm a complete wreck.

My goal is to learn how to basically eat nothing. Like, less than 1000 calories a day. I know it's wrong, I wish I didn't desire such a thing.

I'm very addictive. I'm also thinking about going to the doctor and telling them what they need to hear in order to get on ADD medication. Pathetic I know.

inb4you'refuckingstupid comments; I know this is all very unintelligent. But it all occupies my mind on a daily basis. I wish it didn't, I try to change, but it's so hard, and I'm sure many of you understand that. I'm just wondering, is this what it means to have an anorexic mind? I'm only contemplating this now because I just watched a documentary about it and even though I'm failing miserably at not eating and being thin, I related to the girl, a lot.

Fuck my life, it's such shit, so worthless and just pathetic.

Post edited at 12:46 am on Dec. 2, 2009 by Anonymous

Msg me and we'll talk. I'll try help you out.

Post edited at 12:48 am on Dec. 2, 2009 by lannie

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Because only time is capable of understanding how great love is.

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yes it is. You should get help immediately before it gets serious.

Msg me and we'll talk. I'll try help you out.

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Quote: from lannie at 3:47 am on Dec. 2, 2009

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yes it is. You should get help immediately before it gets serious.  

 Msg me and we'll talk. I'll try help you out.

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No, it doesn't sound like anorexia at all.

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Two say yes, one says no, please explain why or why not,  

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Quote: from The Oath at 12:50 am on Dec. 2, 2009

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Quote: from lannie at 3:47 am on Dec. 2, 2009

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yes it is. You should get help immediately before it gets serious.

  Msg me and we'll talk. I'll try help you out.

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 No, it doesn't sound like anorexia at all.

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Two say yes, one says no, please explain why or why not,

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I don't think it's anorexia because those with anorexia succeed in not eating; they eat very little and essentially starve themselves. Much of the time they're also proud of this behaviour because it gives them a sense of control over their bodies and their cravings. They usually are not the types to binge either.

People with bulimia engage in binging and like those with anorexia, obsess over their bodies and their food intake. Unlike those with anorexia, however, they are not usually proud of their behaviour; on the contrary, they feel like absolute shit over their weight and perceived lack of control. They don't think too highly of themselves and have a poor self-image. The distinct feelings of helplessness and lack of control leads them to binge on food, which then makes them feel worse.  After binging they usually engage in compensatory behaviours like vomiting, induced diarrhea, and to a lesser extent, excessive exercising and starvation. That you don't engage in compensatory behaviours means that you may not be bulimic yet. You might simply have binge eating disorder.

Now, I'm by no means an expert on the matter, but I have a feeling that if you don't already have bulimia there's a good chance of you developing it given your excessive preoccupation with your weight. My advice to you is that you seek help from a psychologist immediately because these sorts of things usually do not resolve by themselves, and the longer you have it, the more difficult it is to break out of it.

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Quote: from Anonymous at 3:54 am on Dec. 2, 2009

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Quote: from The Oath at 12:50 am on Dec. 2, 2009

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Quote: from lannie at 3:47 am on Dec. 2, 2009

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yes it is. You should get help immediately before it gets serious.    

  Msg me and we'll talk. I'll try help you out.

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  No, it doesn't sound like anorexia at all.

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 Two say yes, one says no, please explain why or why not,  

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They think it is because they're morons who probably feel that excessive preoccupation with weight is the main symptom of anorexia.  

I don't think it's anorexia because those with anorexia succeed in not eating; they eat very little and essentially starve themselves. Much of the time they're also proud of this behaviour because it gives them a sense of control over their bodies and their cravings. They usually are not the types to binge either.  

People with bulimia engage in binging and like those with anorexia, obsess over their bodies and their food intake. Unlike those with anorexia, however, they are not usually proud of their behaviour; on the contrary, they feel like absolute shit over their weight and perceived lack of control. They don't think too highly of themselves and have a poor self-image. The distinct feelings of helplessness and lack of control leads them to binge on food, which then makes them feel worse. After binging they usually engage in compensatory behaviours like vomiting, induced diarrhea, and to a lesser extent, excessive exercising and starvation. That you don't engage in compensatory behaviours means that you may not be bulimic yet. You might simply have binge eating disorder.

Now, I'm by no means an expert on the matter, but I have a feeling that if you don't already have bulimia there's a good chance of you developing it given your excessive preoccupation with your weight. My advice to you is that you seek help from a psychologist immediately because these sorts of things usually do not resolve by themselves, and the longer you have it, the more difficult it is to break out of it.

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I see, thank you