He had been so beautiful. She remembered that as she looked the pictures. He would make a beautiful angel with dark hair and pale skin. He would look like a statue carved and painted. His lips bloodless now, bleached pale to match his now ivory skin.

She wondered why he was dead now. She tried to think of reasons for his suicide, but nothing came to her. For all she had known, he was happy. In a few months time she would have worn bridal white and waked down the aisle with him. He had seemed so happy. . . She knew that she might never understand why he was gone. She had been angry, at first. But numbness was growing in her even now, even as she looked upon his still face. She also knew that she would never hear his voice again or see him smile at her the only way he smiled at her.

He would make a beautiful angel.

           He stood beside her, looking down at his pictures. He wished she could see him, see the wings growing from his back. He wished he could call back the blood and be beside her. Death wasn't the release he had expected. It was simply a simple birth into a life of striving to reach heaven.

Softly he rested his hands on her shoulders as she stared down at his face. "I'm sorry... I never stopped loving you... I know I promised... but you understood, did you?" His words were cold and grieving. He truly regretted what he had done, to himself and to her. But the hurt in him had never abated through the years. She could never understand the layers of pain and scar tissue inside him that had caused his suicide.

It had been a guilty pleasure. He had thought of her of eyes staring at him in sadness the first time he had told her of his self-injury. But this was more than that. This was death.

The tears fell unbidden from her eyes, the numbness giving way to a little grief. She remembered him in life, the way he seemed so perfect. He had life in his eyes, he cherished all close friends, and he loved everyone if he could and cared for people he disliked. He had been so alive. He didn't deserve to be dead.

He hated himself. She remembered that most of all. He had thought her crazy for her love for him. He hadn't understood how could she could be happy with him. But she had been, and she'd have given anything for him.

           His face was sad as he watched her, his long dark hair falling to his waist contrasting with the golden wings from his back. Somehow, he knew that his wings grew from her love and grief. He heard her prayers every night that he was safe. She had never used to be so religious. He wished he could answer the question she had cried into the night, "Why, my king?" He whispered, "Because I was so unhappy with myself. Could you understand? I was so lonely... can you understand?"

He knew that she couldn't hear him. It brought tears to his eyes to see her dead gaze, to know the numbness of her soul. She gave him everything even in death, her love nurturing him in his rebirth as an angel. From her love stemmed the growth of the golden wings that arched out around him proudly.

"I don't understand you." She told his memory. "You had everything. You promised. How could you break your promise? You had my love, you had friends, how could you have been so lonely? Didn't you ever think of the people you left behind? I hope you're happy... you've left me here to be broken by life so it better be worth it, my king."

She found no words to say. She bent her head and thought once again of her love as an angel. She imagined proud and beautiful wings outstretched from his shoulders. She imagined the joy on his face, the radiance. She imagined the clear light around him. He embodied purity and truth in her mind. Even the thought of suicide couldn't tarnish his brightness.

She imagined him standing with other angels. His face was the clearest, his aura the brightest, his wings the most beautiful. She longed suddenly, to be there with him. "I don't understand why you left me... but I forgive you." She told the pictures before she turned and strode out of the house.

But she couldn't get free of the feeling that he was near, close, loving her deeply as ever.

His gentle eyes were on her as she walked away, and his voice- to her, just a breath a wind- was soft. "I know you forgive me, else I wouldn't be here. Thank you... But you know... you have to let me go soon. I can't stay here forever, my queen..."

He watched with a tender expression as she walked. He wished she could see him now, fulfilling her dreams for him beyond death. He saw now the saw beauty she had seen in him. "I love you," He whispered to her, wishing she could be near him. Death truly was a final peace.

She sat in a deserted park and watched the birds. She felt less cold now, more like she had when he wasn't gone. She will never forget him, her grief took second place to the love she would always have for him.

She watched one of the birds take off and imagined how he would look flying away from earth to heaven. She imagined his hair flowing behind him, his body suspended gracefully beneath long golden wings. She smiled at the image.

He spread his wings gently, surprised by the strength he felt in them. Enough to fly him for forever, she thought, and smiled at the thought. He glanced lovingly at the woman he had loved in life. "Thank you, for letting me go." She whispered to him, and reached out a shining hand to touch her cheek. "Thank you, for giving me my wings."

A last tear glittered on his cheek as he rose, his golden wings shining in the light of the setting sun. He watched her figure dwindle away and thanked her for the love that had given him his wings.
   

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I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today.

Post edited at 1:13 pm on Oct. 13, 2008 by Jenintendo

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All I have is all of me, and it's all I can give.
Our disappointed hearts will heal;
our hearts will spill, over you, over me, over this.