i restarted with my eating disorder.  its been almost two months now since ive restarted but only in the last week and a half have i gone completely downhill.  every single fucking day i make myself throw up.  every single fucking day i worry too much about what other people think.  i used to think i was strong and that if i just kept trying id make it through eventually.  the urges would eventually go away.  id be able to quit.  but in the last week ive stopped trying to resist the urges.  ive stopped telling myself im strong and that i can win this battle.  ive convinced myself that im losing and its easier to just give in then to fight.  and now im seriously hurting myself.  the other night i threw up so bad i fainted, and for the last four days ive been throwing up blood.  im scared and yet i wont stop myself.  maybe this is supposed to happen.  maybe im supposed to give up.

If not, the nutrition's your body is missing out on will start searching for it in other places. Like your vital organs. The lining of your esophagus will tear. Your teeth will rot. Your skin will thin. Your hair will dry and begin to fall out.

Bulimia is not joke. Please get serious and get help.

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I am fluent in Sarcasm

I am really sorry that you are feeling this way. It seems like you really have a lot on your plate and no one deserves this. Remember that you're never alone. There will always be people, including myself, who truly care about you and want to help you in any way that they can.

I know life seems really difficult for you to deal with right now and I really want to apologise for that. Despite how hard it may be to do, you really need to try your best to remain as positive as you can. Remember, things will always get better.

Life is unfair sometimes. Life will throw you curve balls and life will knock you down. What makes a strong person is not how hard they hit, but how hard they can get hit and keep going. I really don't mean to sound cliche, but it's true. Even when you feel you've reached rock bottom, remember that there's no where to go from there but up. There's no where left to fall when you've reached the bottom. Remember, things will *always* get better with time.

You *cannot* give up on yourself. I know things seem really difficult right now but you cannot give up. You are much stronger than that and I know you can get through this. I understand that things are really difficult for you right now and I'm really sorry that you are feeling this way. Please, stay strong and know that things will get better.

In regards to your eating disorder, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am very proud of you for seeking help because of this. It's not easy to do what you're doing. I know it takes a lot of courage and strength to not only realise that you need help but also take the extra step and seek help. You should feel very proud of yourself.

Here is a link that is geared towards eating disorders that you may find really helpful:

Information on Eating Disorders

You cannot give up on yourself no matter how hard things get. You have done so well up until now and you really should feel very proud of yourself. However, when you said you're purposely hurting yourself, you started to worry me. I am very concerned for your well-being and I really think you should seek help.

Have you talked to anyone about this? I would strongly recommend that you talk to your parents about the way you're feeling as your parents love you very much and truly want the best for you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents about this for any particular reason, don't worry as there are other alternatives.

Talking to a close friend or family member about this can also be really beneficial. However, if you don't feel comfortable talking to any of the people I've mentioned above, you can always seek help from a trusted guidance counselor. Guidance counselors specialise in situations like your own and therefore can provide you with quality, professional advice that can really help a lot. Whatever you decide to do, you need to tell *someone* about what's going on. This situation can become very dangerous very quickly. I don't want anything to happen to you so, please, get help.

I hope I've helped. If you ever need anything at all or feel the need to discuss this further, feel free to message me any time as my inbox is always open. I'm always happy to help.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

DYL

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You're like a bullet to my brain, I'm numb, can't kill my fun.
If you're good and done then thank you just the same.
I don't owe you anything.